Book Bans & Burnings

Photo 109539473 © Dmitry Alexandrov | Dreamstime.com

I will try as much as possible to keep politics out of this blog, but there are certain topics, such as book bans and burnings that are too important for me to keep silent on.

There has been a lot in the news lately about banning books, specifically in states that fall on the republican side of the political divide. (Looking at you, Florida, Tennessee, and Texas.) This is so concerning on so many levels, and for so many reasons.

It starts with the concept of American Exceptionalism, which is teaching history with a certain slant, specifically that the United States of America is the greatest country in the world and that as Americans, we are exceptional for our virtues, morals, and our democracy. It completely washes over and ignores the ugly truths in our history, namely the enslaving of people simply for their race (yes, primarily Africans, but also Chinese and Filipinos among others), something which our entire country was founded upon, not evening mentioning the genocide committed against Native Peoples, such as the Trail of Tears.

How does American Exceptionalism and the erasing of "ugly" American history factor into book bans and burnings? It comes down to the abbreviated concept of Critical Race Theory (CRT) which we hear about in the news all the time now. A certain type of traditionally conservative parent does not want CRT taught in schools because they don't want their precious White child "made" to "feel guilty" about the atrocities committed throughout American history.

This is erroneous and disingenuous because said precious White child has not personally committed any of these historical atrocities for the simple reason that these atrocities are historical, in our collective past. It is called "history" for a reason. However, these past atrocities have shaped and defined American culture and society for over 150 years. CRT looks to teach the true history of the United States of America, in such a way as to open minds and begin to unravel the racist, and later, homophobic, threads in our society.

How does CRT relate to the banning and burning of books? It's because so many of the books being banned and burned are by authors of color and LGBTQIA+. There are so many authors in America and of other nationalities that are being banned simply because they are speaking their truth.

Why are book bans and burnings so problematic? Because they are nearly always instigated by ultra-conservative governments trying to eradicate the narratives and stories that run counter to their beliefs, and more to the point, the beliefs that they are keen to impose on others.

Nazi Germany is hardly the only example of this, but an apt one, and extremely relevant given the state of things in America today. The Nazis burned books that they considered to be subversive, which means "tending or intending to subvert, overthrow, destroy, or undermine an established or existing system, especially a legally constituted government or set of beliefs."

To break this down to its most simplistic form: the Nazis burned books that didn't adhere to Nazi doctrine and beliefs. This included Jewish authors, socialist authors like Karl Marx, great minds like Albert Einstein and Helen Keller, storytellers like Ernest Hemmingway, and thousands and thousands of others, simply because the Nazis felt that these authors' works were counter to Nazi indoctrination and ideals.

"But... America is not Nazi Germany!" you say. Well given the current trajectory we are on, that statement rings alarmingly hollow. Book bans and burnings are antithetical to our First Amendment right to free speech. As Americans, we cannot revere our right to free speech while also banning and burning books that are meant to make people question, take stock, and in general, think about the world as they know it.

So when I see states like Florida and Tennessee banning and burning books, it scares the hell out of me. I think it's absolutely terrifying that we Americans are seeing the exact mentality here that kicked off the start of Nazi Germany.

If you're not afraid, you should be.

Overwhelmed and Undermotivated

The state of overwhelm is like slowly drowning from life's pressures. Or, if you're an ADHDer like me, it's akin to a feeding frenzy in shark-infested waters. It's not just that you'll drown, but it's entirely possible you'll get eaten alive before drowning even occurs to you.

Such is the state of my desk right now. I have cramped access to my keyboard and my mouse, and every other square inch of my desk is covered with crap that I know I need to clean up. I want my desk back. But the mountain of crap currently eating all of my desk real estate is daunting, which therefore makes even the idea of cleaning it all up incredibly overwhelming.

Typically, when I get extremely overwhelmed with a task, I ignore it. Instead of reclaiming my space, I live with the rearranging of things that shouldn't even be there, deal with the mountains as they topple, and generally just pretend that the problem doesn't exist.

This is where the undermotivation comes in. I should want to clean up and reclaim my space. In fact, I truly do want to tidy up, but the thought of doing it is so bloody overwhelming that I'd rather just curl into a ball and do nothing, again pretending there's no issue.

Unfortunately one reaches a point where one can no longer ignore the elephant in the room. It becomes too big, too massive, and you have to muster up the motivation to clear the crap out to become a functioning person again. I can say to myself, "If I accomplish A, then I can do B." If I accomplish cleaning my desk, then I can start gaming on my PC again.

So where does motivation come from? For neurotypicals ("NTs"), the driving motivation is simply to complete the task. Something needs to get done, an NT does it and moves on to the next task.

For ADHDers, motivation comes from darker places. My personal motivators are Disgust & Shame. Disgust with myself for having let it get as bad as it is, and Shame since I live in a shared space with my spouse, so A) my mess affects him, and B) we can't host anyone because I'm too ashamed to let anyone in the door.

The Disgust & Shame can feed into a negative thought spiral, triggering self-loathing and depression. "If I can't even do a simple task like clean my effing desk, then why am I even alive?" Is this pattern of thought ridiculous? Yes, it is. Sadly for ADHDers, it's our truth. We play LIFE on Hard Mode.

So what does Hard Mode mean? In gaming, Hard Mode is an option that allows the player to play on a more difficult setting. NTs play on Standard Mode. Society is set up for neurotypicals to function successfully in the world. For neurodivergents ("NDs"), society has already started us with a handicap because we don't think the "right" way, or do things the "right" way, or even learn the "right" way. Our neurodivergence defaults us to Hard Mode, and unfortunately, it's not a setting we have the option of turning off.

Since I'm on Hard Mode, and I am rather ashamed of myself for letting my desk situation deteriorate so badly, how do I get out of it and stop hating myself? On paper, it's easy: just do the task. But since I'm overwhelmed with drowning in the shark-infested waters that are the mountains of shit on my desk, it's a hard ask. I start by taking my medication, followed by caffeine, closely followed by a mantra and some awesome music to set myself up for success. And then... after an hour or so of prep time, I tackle the task. Does it work every time? No. That would be too easy. But today... today is the day I'm going to do it.

Okay, I've procrastinated long enough in blogging about the state of my desk. I think it's finally time to do it.

The Journey is More Important Than the Destination...

Say the people who don't struggle with ADHD. I get that journeys are well and good and that there is much to be learned on the way, but for those of us who struggle to get to the destination, on time, the journey can be a real nightmare.

I have gotten obsessive about leaving way earlier than typically needed just to make sure I end up there on time, even if that means arriving too early and spending half an hour getting coffee, or an hour browsing for things I don't need at Target (which never ends well for my purse, but that's a tale for another time).

On the other hand, there are ADHDers who are chronically late, and no matter what you tell them, they will still be late. I told a friend of mine (a fellow ADHDer) who was invited to my brother's wedding that the wedding would start at 2:00pm (it started at 3:00pm) and she was still late, missing the entire ceremony. I don't recount this out of anger but from a place of comprehension and compassion.

Those two things, comprehension and compassion, are two of the most important things for neurotypical people to keep in mind when trying to discuss problems with their ADHD loved ones. Comprehending that ADHD brains do have neurological differences from our more neurotypical brethren can help keep frustration from boiling over. Understanding that your ADHD friends or family aren't being deliberately obstinate, obtuse, or just plain difficult is key. The truth of the matter is that your ADHD loved ones are struggling with everything on the inside, and having compassion for them will make all the difference in your relationship.

That got preachy, which was not my intent, though it is still important.

There are also times when the destination gets completely lost on the journey, specifically with trains of thought. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've stopped in the middle of saying something with no idea what was supposed to come next. Literally mid-sentence. I was already halfway there, but where I was going with it is now lost for somewhere between several minutes and eternity.

An example:

Me: Leah at work was really having an issue with her brother falling off the wagon so I was telling her that-

Spouse: (Cooking) Can you pass the salt?

Me: Sure!

(I spend several seconds looking around, spinning in a circle trying to find the salt. Does he mean the empty shaker on the table? Unlikely. The grinder that's supposed to be on the shelf in the kitchen but isn't? I spin again. Where is the salt!? Oh, it's on top of the coffee pot.)

Me: Wait. The coffee pot? Why is the salt on the coffee pot?

Spouse: I have no idea. You probably set it there when you were using the toaster.

Me: Oh... okay. (Beat.) What was I saying?

Spouse: About Leah.

Me: What about Leah?

Spouse: Her brother?

Me: ...

Thought gone, vanished without a trace.

So that's having the destination taken right out from under you. But we ADHDers are resourceful, and as long as there is a ground to walk upon, even if there's no path, and a sort-of sense of direction, we can forge our own paths. And we'll get there when we get there.

The Journey