So, back in May of last year, I posted the following:
I managed to lose a cosplay gown that I had custom made, after only having worn it to one convention. I've searched everywhere in places that made sense and places that did not. It's well and truly gone. So I commissioned a new gown to replace it, and I'm at least 80% sure that once I get the new gown, the first one will turn up, because that's just my luck.
I received the new gown in July (shortly into my Absence). A literal two days after the new one arrived, I found the original one. It was "sharing" a hanger with another cosplay dress, which was on top of the gown, rendering it invisible. I didn't find it until I had pulled out the other dress to get ready for a convention. Imagine my surprise (and fury...) at finding it! Part of me was relieved; the other part was pissed AF, at myself. Why didn't I catalogue my cosplays and put them all in one place!? Hell if I know. I'm never one to do a logical thing. (Screw you ADHD!) :CRIES:
For those of you curious, I give you a shot of the gown I lost and found:
Neo Queen Serenity
Sailor Moon
So my next convention is coming up in 2.5 weeks. Being responsible, I've already started gathering together items that I need to pack for the event. I should make a list... "But it's so time consuming!" "STFU, you! Do the responsible thing!" "Whaaaaaa! Don't wanna!" On and on, the conversation with myself goes, until I stop caring about doing the thing at all, hate myself, and then eventually do thing (in this instance, a list). So I present you with... a list:
MOTIVATION
Get your ass in gear, we are doing the thing!
GUILT
Why are you not doing the thing? I'm so disappointed in you.
ANGER
Who are you to say I'm disappointing!? Screw you!
DEPRESSION
You are so worthless! What is the point of your life even?
MOTIVATION (Part II)
Okay, you can do this, one step at a time, take little baby steps...
ACTION
Do the thing.
This is one of the more frustrating things about ADHD, the internal conversations with yourself which inevitably end up leading to a plethora of negative emotions, some of which trigger absolute self-loathing.
Famed blogger Allie Brosh, of Hyperbole & a Half, did an excellent piece on this called "This is Why I'll Never be an Adult." Using prose and iconic illustrations, she presents a highly accurate representation of what it's like living with ADHD (without actually mentioning ADHD), in a very silly, memorable way.
The truth is, I have started a list. The problem is that I don't always remember something TO list until I actually see it, and unfortunately, there is a lot of clutter in my place, so I have to go digging to find any one of the several locations I've put stuff. It makes for an ass-backwards routine in which I write things on the list, as I find them, and then immediately check it off the list, congratulating myself for doing the list, and then getting to the hotel and realizing I forgot to pack a random-but-important piece of my cosplay, sending me into a spiraling panic.
This whole mental meltdown is absolutely exhausting, not to mention counter-productive.
But hey, at least I found the dress!
Comments